The other evening, I found myself sitting at a bar with Lisa (I know this comes as a shock to most of you). It is actually a fine dining restaurant but we like sitting at the bar, it's a nice big solid mahogany bar with comfortable stools and just and all around good feel. As we sit at the bar there is a row of high top tables behind us. The bar is full and the high tops are sparsely seated. A few seats down from us we hear a small clatter, I turned to see that a cane which had been hanging on the back of a chair, had fallen. Sitting damn near back to back with the old guy whose cane fell was a nicely dressed woman in her late 40's or early 50's. She looks down at the cane, up at the old guy and then turns back to continue her conversation with her companion. Fucking bitch! What is wrong with people?
With the cane picked up I returned to my seat... right next to me was one of the most annoying people that I have ever met. I'm sure you know this type of jackass, the guy who holds a conversation with everybody within earshot, though no one really wants to engage him. The type of guy that says random, oddball shit that only he finds funny and then laughs inappropriately loud and long. He actually blurted out this gem for no apparent reason "My Indian Name is, Drives women away" Not that we needed him to tell us that. At one point I picked up my phone, because I'm addicted to it like crack and need to "check-in" every 20 minutes or so. The dick-wad next to me (I should give him a name... Frank) Frank sees me on the phone and says "You must be on a date, how's it going" followed by his shrill laughter. Now we are not friends with Frank, however we have been going to this same restaurant for close to 20 years, we know each other. He knows that we are married and have been together for 28 years. Frank thinks he is fucking hysterical.
Frank decides to order a shit-load of fried shrimp and crab and artichoke dip with extra lump crab on top, for all of the people seated in his immediate vicinity. This was actually a very nice gesture; it almost made sitting next to him bearable. I declined as did Lisa (Lisa is allergic) I only bring this up because I want to paint a complete picture for you. This place aint cheep, he spent close to $200.00 on those appetizers alone. He actually seems to have befriended an older gay couple, sitting to his right. Or they were just being polite.
I cannot help but overhear a good part of his conversation. He is referring to an auction. He keeps repeating "I'm only going to buy it, if I can steal it" "It's only got 1,400 miles" So I'm thinking Sotheby's, R&M or even Meacum's. I wonder to myself, what is he likely to buy? An old Cadillac, a Corvette or a Viper, yeah, I can picture "Drives women away" driving a Viper. It was just as I was taking as nice, big, cold sip of my Dogfish head 60 minute IPA when Frank announces to the world at large "You know they don't make the PT Cruiser anymore" I damn near passed the beer out my nose! A fucking PT cruiser!
We decided we had enjoyed Frank's company long enough, payed our check, said our goodbyes and as we walked out, we heard "How's the date going? Ha ha ha ha"
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